Lessons Learned.

As I begin to hone in on that last dreaded and cherished week of summer vacation I'm finding myself looking back more. Reviewing both these past few months, and past few years, and seeing what I've got laying ahead of me. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if this summer has really changed me as much as I believe it has.

Realization 1.
I've always been independent. I've never felt like I need someone with me, always. And though as any female I've had crushes and heartthrobs (same thing?) I can never remember feeling like I was so isolated, so alone that I needed that counter part. That is not to say there weren't times when I didn't want one. Who doesn't? But I know that I don't need one. I don't have to have one. Because it doesn't change who I am, or where I am going, or what I want. Not that this sounds like something huge, because realistically it's not, at all. But it's important all the same. It is one more thing I have an answer for/to. One more thing I know about me.

Realization 2.
I'm fuck ass strong. There are days when I no where near impress myself at the amount of shit I can(not) handle. But then there are days, when I can step back and take an honest to God look and see what I can do. Those are the days when I can see that I'm not the wimpy sophomore. I know who I am. I know what I can, and (probably) cannot do. Maybe that doesn't make me strong, maybe that only makes me aware and possibly over confident; but tonight that feels like strength.

Realization 3.
"You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." Thank you Pinkalicious.
There have been a many a time that I expect so much more out of people. And that is largely my own fault. I'm okay with that. And I generally I have learned to expect only what I have received in the future. Again, this is surely not the best plan of action, but that's what I've got.
These months have also allowed me to understand that I do put a lot my self out there right from the get-go. Which has both it's upsides and downsides. But at least I will always know, I have given what I have got. No surprises. Not to say, no secrets because what is any relationship without a few secrets left for finding?

All and all I feel more... at peace. More aware of who I am. There will always be times when I question who I am, and what my morals are, but going back into school I can assure myself, I'm ready. I can't predict what will happen or how any of it may turn out. I can only be what I know how to be; honest.

1 comment

  1. I've discovered a lot about myself this summer as well. It's a strange feeling, once you make a realization. Something that large being invisible to me for so long makes me question what else I might not know. But no matter how much I might still be missing, I've learned to find comfort in the simple fact that I know one more thing about myself. It's good to see someone else learning themselves as they go too.

    Keep up the good writing.