Fear is not a friend.

There is always that situation that scares the living hell out you. That sort of thing that makes you think 'holy-hell-this-is-it.'

I have one of those. One of those 'oh-shits.' And I can't explain it in any way that makes it feel sufficient. I don't know how to make anyone understand how honest to goodness scared I get. I don't know how to make people understand that I honestly feel like I am in physical danger.

So I try. I do, honest. But it's something that isn't really communicable. And that worries me. It worries me, because that means I can't change the fear. I cannot make it better. I cannot change the situation. Because it's not in my control, and it's not something that is truly easy to say.

It puts me into the position where I must face this fear multiply times a week. I can't though.

Solution? Go to the top. Try to fix the problem.
I did. And I haven't the slightest idea as to what has happened or what has changed. What if there is some sort of fall out or backfire? I'm freakin' out, yo. This hasn't made it better because I'm only more paranoid.

And in reality, I realize that this is just a fear that the danger behind it is probably minimal. My highly rational, black and white, wrong and right, side recognizes that. Truly, it does. But everything else inside me fights that. Everything else inside me feels like there is imminent danger.

And I cannot change a thing.

1 comment

  1. Take everything in stride. It will one day build itself back up again. Time is all you need. Everyone experiences similar trials and tribulations. Keep your chin up, kid.