Next Year.

The "plan" has always been, "Rylee is going to college." Without question. Without fail. There has never been any thought towards this being anything other than fact.

I have spent months now searching, comparing, contrasting, and now, applying.
At first, yes, I was nervous, scared. I know that my chances of getting in are good. Regardless, everyday I find myself more and more excepting of the fact that I may not be in school next year.

No one in my life sees this as a possibility. Because honestly, look at my life. But I do.
I can truly see myself not living in a cell of a dorm room.

I can see myself in a hole in the wall apartment in Seattle.
I can see myself working in a bagel shop just to keep my head above water.
I can see myself finally getting my tattoos.
I can see myself writing everyday for the next four years instead of fulfilling a calculus requirement.

I want that. I want to love where I am. I want to love what I'm doing with my life.

I don't want to stay up until three in the morning writing papers on Chinese History.
I don't want to learn calculus or physics.
I don't want to worry about keeping my morals because I feel like I need friends.

I just want to be happy. I just don't want to regret these years.

Yeah, I know, college is supposed to be the best four years of your life. But, I don't feel that way. I feel like I need a fast forward button. So that I don't regret not getting some sort of a degree. And I don't resent wasting these next four years.

The reality though, is that next year, I will most likely be paying tens of thousands of dollars to learn about things that I wish I wasn't.

I just want to be happy.

1 comment

  1. Relay, you just perfectly articulated how I feel. Good work. <3