In my head that is.
I think about things. Then I think about them some more. And then I rethink those thoughts. But only before rethinking the rethunk (shut up, it's a word tonight) thoughts.
By then I am usually more stuck than I was in the beginning.
The bad part about all of this is I psych myself out. I get myself into this weird place. A place that I am consciously aware of, but that scares the living shit out of me also.
It's a lot like my darkest place. But it's not.
I know it's not.
Because I know how to pull myself out. I know my own tricks of getting in and getting out.
I can recognize when I'm scaring myself. It's at that point I know I have to backtrack. I attempt to rationalize what I was trying to rationalize.
It's a terribly complicated cycle.
But I know it. And I know my way through it. That is the only thing that is keeping me from worrying myself.
The fact that I know me, I know what I can, and cannot, handle.
And most days, I know how to make me better. I know how to take me out of my head.
It's a horrible cycle some days. Hang in there
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