In My Head.

When I feel like this, this stuck-on-the-suck feeling, I have a tendency to go in loops.

In my head that is.

I think about things. Then I think about them some more. And then I rethink those thoughts. But only before rethinking the rethunk (shut up, it's a word tonight) thoughts.

By then I am usually more stuck than I was in the beginning.

The bad part about all of this is I psych myself out. I get myself into this weird place. A place that I am consciously aware of, but that scares the living shit out of me also.

It's a lot like my darkest place. But it's not.

I know it's not.

Because I know how to pull myself out. I know my own tricks of getting in and getting out.

I can recognize when I'm scaring myself. It's at that point I know I have to backtrack. I attempt to rationalize what I was trying to rationalize.

It's a terribly complicated cycle.

But I know it. And I know my way through it. That is the only thing that is keeping me from worrying myself.

The fact that I know me, I know what I can, and cannot, handle.

And most days, I know how to make me better. I know how to take me out of my head.