I know it. I recognize it. I'm working on it.
It's hard because so much that was once constant is now changing. I know that's where my head is getting lost. I have always had a thing about constants. About things staying just as they should be. Being everlasting and unmoving. (Thanks OCD for that awesome trait.)
I know I cannot stop the fact that things are changing. I must go to school. I must live somewhere else. I must meet new people. I am not trying to stop it. I'm trying to get hold of it. I cannot seem to wrap my head around all of this, and that is where I begin having trouble treading all the water.
I start to fumble. I bob up and down. Occasionally dipping under for a moment too long. And that is where I lose myself. Under all the water where I can't breath, and I can't see, and no one can hear me. That is where I get lost.
Now, I've never been the best swimmer, but I am trying my damnedest here. I am trying so hard. And I just keep telling myself, "One day. Just one day at a time."
Because I know that works. I know it does. I can make it through one day of anything.
So I get through one day. And suddenly I'm swimming again and I'm not gasping for air.
There are good days, and there are bad days. Just like with anything else. I just have to remember that I've fought through this before, I can do it again. And soon enough all the chaos will settle.
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
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