I know when I've been upset for too long.
I know when I need my people.
I know that there is no easy fix.
I know that this feeling is not a death sentence.
Part of me says, 'It is a chance to grow, and chance to become bigger than what you thought you could be.'
The other part is saying, 'Why am I not asleep? I'm tired. I'm always tired.'
I give in to me a lot. I let me sleep for hours without reason. I let me eat just PopTarts and Cape Cod chips for a day. I let me cry just because I need to. I let me skip class when it physically hurts to think about being a part of one. I let me be sad because if I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it right.
With that said, I watch myself, incredibly closely. I talk myself up in the mirror when I need it. I take longer showers just because I want them. I watch Law and Order when I ought to be doing homework. I put makeup on so when I walk by the mirror I don't feel ugly, even when I don't leave my room.
I know when I've hit too low of a level. Right now, I haven't.
I am doing good. I am taking care of myself.
I don't love my life. I don't love my situation. But I know better than to let that become my life.
I am capable of so much more than this. I have more perseverance than the suck that this permeating this life.
Now, today was a good day. I took today for myself. I remembered everything that I am fighting for, and that helps, that is good. Days like this make it easier to get through another week.
Days like this remind me that I am bigger than all of this.
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