Waiting is the Hardest Part

I have been working pretty hard over the last two months or so on being grateful for things that suck. For a couple of reasons, one, I think it is just as important to value the storms in your life as it is to value smooth sailing. I think there really is so much to be gained from getting through the parts of your life that make you want to throw up your hands and say, no freakin' thank you, I'm out. Two, frankly, quite a few things have been royally sucking, and I'm well aware that if I don't learn to be grateful that I am going through them, I'll probably lose my dang mind.

But here's the thing about being so thankful that you're alone, or that money is tight, or that things just aren't going the way you hoped they would: it is hard work.

Surprise! 

Turns out it can be so draining to give thanks for your struggle. Yes, this goes back to how I feel about His hand in the very good, and the very bad - because I know that with my struggle, my damn dark pit of loneliness, is going to come some big hallelujah this is what I've needed good stuff. I know there are two sides to this coin. And that is why I can sit down and work on being grateful for not being with someone in the last two-slash-really-six months, and for pinching pennies, and for not getting my dream job dropped in my lap. 

Even when I have a week like I did last week, when it hurts to just think about this being this lonely, I have to remember that I'll have days like I did today. When all the good stuff comes slamming at you in the best way possible. And suddenly all that waiting, all that praying, all that trusting in the plan, turns out the be the best work you could have done for yourself.

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it a couple million more times before I die - but His way always ends up being so much better. It always ends up being so much more than I could have done on my own. It is almost never easy to wait for a reward this great. But it has always been worth it.

I can't say that this day will make me any better at waiting the next time the bad stuff settles in. I can hope it will, but I know who I am. And I know that waiting really is the hardest part. Not knowing when the good is going to outweigh the bad is so hard. It is only in knowing that it will, do I find a way to keep pushing through the shitstorms.