Hearttown

Does everybody else still have a soft spot for their hometown?

I work in Montpelier, obviously. I live in Burlington, also obviously.

For most people I think that would mean that they have a nice balance of distance and familiarity that they don't feel that nostalgia, that sense of youth and home-ness, and stagnation surrounded by growth. I do though.

Not all the time, but it comes in waves, this sense of this is my hometown. 

I don't live in Montpelier, so I don't feel like this is my home. But I still feel a strong sense of 'I belong here, I was made here, parts of me live here, and parts of this town live in me.'

When I walk downtown on a really perfect day. When I drive through side streets, avoiding traffic. When I see people I've made dozens of sandwiches for, or people who've worked at local restaurants for decades. When I think about the fact that I graduated from the same high school that I run by. I just get this overwhelming sense of this is part of me.

Sometimes it's just Montpelier. It's just where I work. It's just where my parents live.

Sometimes it hits me that I'm growing, I'm changing, my life is 3200% different than the last time I lived here. But I still know the best place to get coffee. I still know which parking lots will be dead at lunchtime. I still love Montpelier traditions. I still have this piece of me that lives in these places, and these people that make Montpelier.

I think some of this nostalgia comes from hitting that one year mark of living in Burlington.

See, I'm finally at a point where I don't feel like an outsider any more.

I have a gym, a grocery store, a gas station, a go-to spot for a quick dinner. I have my own short-cuts. I have running route. There are people I recognize, just from living there. There are routines I have, a whole year and change later.

Burlington still doesn't feel like home.

It feels like where I live.

But Montpelier doesn't feel like home right now either.

It feels like where I am from.

I love them both, really. But it's so weird to feel your heart ricochet between the two, and feel...suspended, waiting to settle in to another home.