24 Things I Learned in My 24th Year

1. Saying no is okay. You get to say no to people, to jobs, to opportunities, and the negative shit that people may say about you. You get to decide what works for you, and what really does not.

2. Winning is not the end. Winning is great. And it may mean you've achieved something amazing. But it is not your whole story - it is not your whole life. Never, has someone won anything, and had it last their whole lives. Even Presidents must retire and move on.

3. I can actually throw a first pitch.

4. You cannot possibly own too many pairs of false eyelashes. And don't let anyone dispute that.

5. Sometimes, going to bed before 9 PM is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Resting keeps you going. And no matter if you are working one job, or three jobs, or you plan on being Super Woman, you're going to need to sleep.

6. Standing steadfast in your beliefs of justice, and equality is always worth it. No matter what.

7. Some friends will go, but in their place, you might just get sisters. Like, a lot of sisters.

8. In the end, the people that have always supported your dreams, your goals, your zest for life are the people you want to be around. They are the people that you'll always want close. Even when the dreams, the goals, and the zest changes.

9. Removing most carbs from your diet isn't really worth the tiny waist. I mean, not for long anyways. Bagels and booties forever.

10. Chris Harrison is shorter than you think.

11. Even the hardest season of your life will pass. Some days you'll cry because every single task is just too much, but you'll always get through it. As hard as it has been - the worst moments - I've never not made it through to the other side.

12. You can probably run any distance, even if your foot kind of breaks.

13. Meeting new people can be terrifying, or absolutely amazing. And yeah, it is usually just an either/or situation.

14. Watching someone else achieve a dream you share is heartbreaking and one of the most uplighting experiences you might ever have. I think the only time I have ever felt 100% selfless is when I felt myself turn over a dream and say, yes, this is for you. Just let me sit here and watch it unfold. (And can we talk about how only a true Miss America could illicit that in someone? Dang. Girl.)

15. You can actually own too many gowns.

16. Discrimination is a lifestyle choice, and you owe absolutely no one your compliance with their idiocy.

17. My parents religiously watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette together. Yes, this is actually something I learned.

18. Gratefulness is literally the only way through life sometimes. Being grateful costs you nothing. Literally. In fact, it usually means you gain some sort of appreciation or...I don't know other intrinsic mushy gushy feeling.

19. Food poisoning is something I definitely could have done without.

20. Self-care takes work, and takes a lot of different forms. It takes a lot more energy than I thought. It takes a lot more effort than I planned on. It takes a lot of tuning out your own little voices of self-doubt. It's work, and it's worth it.

21. I still don't care about chokers. And I'm not sure why we're still doing that.

22. The good guys are absolutely totally and completely out there, it will happen.

23. You do not have to prove your mental illness to anyone.

24. "That, after all, is why we serve - to make people's lives better, not worse." Your service shapes your life. When you choose to give selflessly, to give regardless of anything, to give time, to give effort, to give your heart - to anything - you are truly giving yourself purpose. I am forever grateful that I was able to give literally a year of my life exclusively to other people.

"No Makeup" Makeup

With a new job, and now, one less job as well - I have started to switch up my morning routine. Mostly in an effort to catch up on 11 months of lost sleep, but also to just...simplify things. You know, for a long time my mornings consisted of waking up wildly early, showering, making coffee, making oatmeal, sitting down to do a full face of makeup, starting my hair, getting dressed, finishing my hair, and hoping to God that I got to finish even a half a cup of cold coffee before running out the door.

So, that's a lot.

And, to simplify it dramatically all I really had to do was change one thing: makeup.

That being said, here's an updated list of what I use for a "natural" look. Also known as: yo, I'm exhausted, but here's my 10 minutes of well-intentioned effort.

Let's start at the top: moisturizer. Lotion. Lotion. Lotion y'all.

Tried and true, so many repurchases at this point, the Fresh Umbrian Clay Oil-Free Lotion.

You guys, I've talked about this lotion so many dang times, but honestly, it is the best.

And because I cannot get enough moisture into my skin right now, I've been following up with the Too Faced Hangover Replenishing Face Primer. Which, truthfully, I don't know how I feel about it as a primer. It's okay, yes, but I'll never opt for it over a really good foundation primer (like my ride or die, Makeup Forever Step One.) However, I do love that it has coconut water in it, because I'm basic like that.

Then, I'm not kidding with the moisture guys, I've gone back to the best BB cream I've ever used. The Dr. Jart+ Water Fuse Beauty Balm. The coverage is so light. The finish is perfect, and it has SPF 25 which I need, because I'm very very very white.

To be honest, I haven't even been going in with concealer too often - much to the dismay of literally everyone since the dark circles are still so real. But if I do, I'm still using the Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Eraser.

Up next - usually - a bit of blush and bronzer. And I'm serious, I do this only about half the time right now. Which is still leaving me blowing my own mind. This routine is just too simple.

Anyways, my go-to is a classic. The NARS Blush/Bronzer Duo in Orgasm and Laguna. Definitely a cool combo I've been using for a while - but it works.

And I'm still sort of a mascara addict, so I've got about five tubes I'm working on now. But most recently I've been grabbing the Elizabeth Arden Grand Entrance Mascara. This was a gift during a Red Door Spa visit - but it has far surpassed my expectations. Since I'm a huge "no clumps, no spiders" lashes kind of girl, this stuff has been perfect.

Finally, I finish with the Glossier Boy Brow in Brown. By the way, this was a leap for me. I did not think I was a tinted brow gel girl. I mean, I love my clear brow gel, for sure. But I was worried about keeping a light enough touch with this stuff. And honestly, I shouldn't have been. This is great. It's a really light product. But the coverage is just enough.

That's it!

That's the whole thing. To some, this still may seem like a lot. But in the scheme of things this is nothing compared to my "full face."

New Normal, Same Booty

There are a lot of really great posts out there about what it's like to love your post-stage body. I've even written about this weird image of my own body before.

But given that I am back on that road, and just as a whole new class starts to move into the notion of being "retired" I wanted to add my two-cents onto the ever-growing sound board of what the new normal means. (I hope I'm not breaking my own rules here on posting about this post-Miss journey.)

So the reality is really simple: you train for months, years, sometimes decades to make it to that end game - stage of all stages - and when that is over, and you're not training...well, you need to figure out what normal means for you.

That's not to say that your life, your diet, and your workouts while training were abnormal. But, post-stage means you get to go more than 24 hours without being in the gym. It usually means alcohol and Oreo's move back into the "acceptable" foods. Actually, if I'm being really honest, I stopped having a notion of what I "can" and "shouldn't" eat.

Let's pause for a second and recognize how quickly training and prep becomes disordered. At some point this is something I'll talk about at length. But I want to stop and say this - if you're prepping for a state pageant, or national pageant, or anything that requires some sort of plan - and you are unhappy with the process of how you are getting there you need to stop.

There is a healthy way to cut down on carbs and sweets. There is a healthy way to embrace cardio, weight training, and finding those abs you've been fighting for. But if you feel guilty about eating certain things. If you beat yourself up for not going to the gym. If this process is making you mentally unhealthy you need to stop. Get a nutritionist and/or a personal trainer and start over.

So, normal. Well, that takes almost just as much work, in my experience as setting up that training and dieting regimen. Breaking down those notions of training, into just plain ol' healthy living is hard.

It is a lot of acceptance.

It is a lot of looking in the mirror and seeing someone you don't quite recognize. She's still you. She's still healthy. But she's less toned than the you of four months ago. She's a little...softer.

I'm still pretty sure there are no "cheat meals" in normal.

It is a lot of understanding that "normal" is variable. Normal might mean training for another half marathon. It might mean going three days without hitting the gym. It might mean you eat pizza every Saturday.

There is still plenty of cardio, weight training, salads, steel-cut oats, and gallons of water. But in different ratios. I think that's the best way I have come to describe this to other people. My new normal is a lot like my prep life, but in different ratios.

In part, that is what's hard to stomach. You're relearning your body and what it takes to make it happy, and healthy, and yeah, that usually means you won't be at stage weight. And I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but stage weight is not a livable weight.

I honestly don't care how into asparagus and chicken you are, or how much you love two-a-days and fasting cardio. If you do not have an end date, a goal, a driving factor - that life is unsustainable.

And with good reason.

So that is why I hope that as we all slowly come down from this season of life there is a recognition that some of our training behaviors have to end. Just as we won't be heat-styling our hair every day and gluing eyelashes to our faces, we won't need to eat 1/2 cup of brown rice at 2:30 in the afternoon just to hit our macros.

And, yeah, some things will be easier to let go of than others.

I'll be the first to tell you, as easy as it is to eat the pizza, it's the reflection in the mirror that's the hardest part to reckon with. It's true, it will make you want to keep training, keep counting macros, and to keep saying no to the tastiest food in America.

It will make you want that body back. Without a doubt.

*it is super weird that my friends come in GIFs but, let's roll with it. 

Look, you worked for that body, and you worked hard. And, not for nothing, you should want to stay in fighting shape. But it's understanding that inevitably you won't, and what comes after you hit that point.

After you hit that point, you've got to be ready to hit that new normal, and accept the body in the mirror.

I'm still running. I'm back to working with my personal trainer. I'm still not buying peanut butter M&Ms (very often.) But I eat Moe's with reckless abandon, and get the good stuff at Starbucks without guilt. If I don't hit my Activity Goal for the day, it's no big deal. That's normal now.

I'm still feeling squishy though. I'm still feeling like I'm too out of shape to have been a Miss.

And that's seriously ridiculous. I know that.

But also I know I'm not always going to walk around at 120 pounds. Sure, it's nice, but it's not livable.

I mean, pizza gave me my boobs and my booty back. 

And frankly, I don't want them to go away again. So, Leonardo's is one of the most used apps on my phone, and I'm signing up for races left and right. It's called balance, y'all. It's a struggle every day. It's a new shade of normal every day. And balancing the ratios of this journey is just weird sometimes.

But when I think about what season of life I just left, this is a piece of cake. Sometimes literally.