Big Dreams are Heavy

I started this post a hundred different times. While I have toyed with dropping all my feelings in a seven inch long Instagram post, that seemed kinda rude. And it just may be that this is the reason all my other thoughts for this writing gig seemed to stall out.

...They just got stuck behind this post.

What I need to talk about is why it is so damn terrifying to pursue the big dreams. The really big ones, the ones that light your soul up, make your eyes glaze over, make your smile split your face, and give you that sweet little jump in the pit of your belly.

I mean, big dreams.

I mean, the ones that kinda freak you out.

So - pause - I do truly believe that you have got to put that stuff into the world. Trust in the dream. Trust in your ability to make it happen. And, goodness, trust in the world's power to help you make it happen. But damn, that's so scary, right?

The notion of spitting out the things you want most in this world...that is stupid scary.


I have a couple sitting on my heart. And I think, as scary as it is to look at the long roads attached to each of them, that's a road map that I need. I mean, sure, it's a map that's going to change, maybe thousands of times. Sometimes I might be trying to read the thing upside down. Sometimes I might try to throw the whole thing out. But it's my map, and I need it.

Part of my trouble with that though, y'all, it's the length. I don't know about you, but I feel like now, more than ever, I am finding that these things I want for my life, are taking...longer?

That sounds impatient, I know.

Think of it this way, all these other big things I have done, and wanted, have had hard and fast end dates. College, has a deadline. Four years, great. Pageants, an age limit. If I can make it by 24, great. Even races, there's a finish line. Just gotta hit that mile marker, great.

These things are quantifiable. They are measurable. There is something, some hard line in the sand that says, you made it. Steps completed.

But, it's not working like that any more.

Getting my dream job. Building a life for myself. Finding a home. Creating things that matter. Whole-heartedly serving others in my business.

There's no end dates there. There are no step-by-step processes to those.

And that...makes it, harder.

Harder to measure. Harder to quantify. Harder to follow on the map.

Well, and then, that is what makes it so damn terrifying, isn't it?

Not only can you not always see where you're going - but often, maybe most often - you can't even see if you're making the right kind of progress. So that's one, or maybe six, gigantic dreams on your heart - that you hope, and you pray you are are working towards - that still feel like really mysterious beasts in your sometimes very distant future.

How scary to think that things that you want to work for most, in your whole life, are things that you can't even really make a map to?

That's what gets me. Because these things that light up my soul, and make me want to share all these big heart songs with the world - they are still things that I have never done before. I have never figured out the right steps to them before, and as far as I can tell, no one else has either.

You hear it all the time, right?

No one else has it all figured out either.

Mostly true, I hope.

Which is nice, when you remember that everyone else has big ol' smile-splitting-dreams too.

And so this notion, that we get some fear when we think about our big dreams, and how wholly and surely we want, I wish when that happened someone would just turn around and say, "girl, me too."

Girl, I don't know where this map leads either.

Girl, I'm pretty sure I also took a wrong turn.

Girl, let's build this bridge together cause I gotta get out of this swamp of bad ideas too.

It's scary, because we're alone. We're alone with these big heavy dreams.

Which is crazy. Because y'all, have you ever heard of someone reaching their biggest craziest best dreams by themselves? 


So all this fear we have about saying them out loud, because we don't know where we are going, or what we are doing, or how we plan on getting there...and we're likely surrounded by people who feel the same. Who need, and want, just as much help.


Well, this is me, spilling my guts.

Baring my big ol' fire-in-the-pit-of-my-belly dreams, saying, girl me too.

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