Being Alone: Soon with Bonus Pup

Alright. January, how'd it go? What happened?

A lot...and kind of nothing new at the same time.

Piper Kate was born. I won The Office trivia at Waterworks (with a wonderful team.) I spent New Years at home. I went to Chicago for the first time. I started running a lot more, and joined a new gym. I tried aerial yoga. I dedicated the home screen of my phone to Oprah. I started two new podcasts. Finished a super long Stephen King book.

And you know, spent most of my time alone. 

Which, I suppose, isn't too new. But I think, especially in the last five days or so, it has just felt so heavy. I think it has just been a lot more present - a lot more obvious that it is just me.

So what do you do, right?

Anything. Anything to keep you busy, anything to get you out of bed, anything to keep your brain moving past the feeling of being supremely and entirely alone.


1. Workout:

I have been going to the gym a lot. To the gym, to the yoga studio, to the treadmill in my parent's basement - the quickest way for me to empty my head is to get my body to work.

Does it always make me feel better? No. Man, it's depression, working out doesn't cure you. 

But it helps. It gets me out of the house. It gets endorphins flowin'. It gives me an accomplishment to check of my daily list of "things you should do to feel better."


2. Make plans:

One the quickest ways for me to ruin a weekend - Wait. Side note. Are weekends the hardest for anyone else? Because seriously, they have been the worst for me recently - is for me to go into it without a very specific plan.

Workouts, dinners out, day trips, errands - whatever it is, I need to plan it.

Otherwise? I'm spending 48 hours in bed, wallowing, alone, and upset that I've let myself do it all over again.

So, I schedule classes at Sangha, and map out when I go to the gym, and decide where I am going out to eat. It doesn't always involve a million mini details, but it gives me a little blueprint that says, get your ass out of bed to you have things to get done. 


3. Keep a routine:

Get up. Make coffee. Eat breakfast. Shower. Listen to podcasts. Go to the gym. Get a fun lunch. Do your laundry. Clean your room. Go grocery shopping. Don't stay up until 2 AM just because you can.

It seems like such an easy thing, to keep a routine on the weekend.

But honestly, there are so many simple ways to get derailed. And keeping a routine not only keeps you busy (and out of bed,) but it gives a map for things you already can and do regularly on your own.

Which, sure, you might not love every moment of grocery shopping by yourself. But it doesn't have to be painful - it doesn't have to be a trigger.


Being alone, sucks. It sucks when you are depressed, and when you aren't. It sucks when you have anxiety, and when you don't.

But I have long said that there is a lot of power in being able to thrive on your own too. That is still true for me. It's still how I press reset. Being alone is still something I know how to enjoy.

Remembering that lonely is not the same thing as being alone, that has been...y'all it seems so simple, but it has been so critical to moving through this.

It is moving past the notion of I am always alone to right now I am okay by myself. 

Like anything else, it is a habit to be learned. Like anything else, it takes time.

Did I necessarily think that it was going to take me this freaking long to learn how to get used to it all over again? Honestly, no.

It has though. It has taken a long time. And I still don't have the perfect solution for you.

But dang if I am not trying every single one that I can to get through this.


Wait, sorry, one thing to add before I post this: at some point soon we're going to talk about dating again (I'm not) and using apps for that (also not) and what it looks like to be nearly 26 and very very very single again (I am) and why that feels a lot like I ought to just build myself a convent in the mountains and call it what it is (I'm thinking about it.)


With that in mind I want to share one more thought:

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