Here We Go (Again)

But why did you stop writing in the first place?

Because I stopped being able to tell you the whole story.

This time last year, I issued myself a gag order when it became clear that I could no longer share the details of what was hurting me, without inevitably hurting someone else. Or, at the very least, upsetting a likely wonderful reality for someone else.

So I stopped talking about the whole thing. And slowly, but certainly surely, I stopped being able to tell all the parts of my story that started from that thread.

I guess that made stopping easier. As large parts of my life, and my life lessons, and the things that were making me me - had to be redacted - the public part of my life had to get smaller and smaller.

Now? What has happened?

Time. Mostly time.

For as horrible, and painful, and soul-building, and heart-changing as that whole season was...I am through it. I have moved into the next year. I have moved into the next phase/step/chapter.

And truly, that's what Florida was for.

I needed a hard reset.

Not just powering down and restarting. I needed to shut this thing down, leave it for a day (or three months,) and then try powering back up again. Hell, let's upgrade the software while we're at it.

Glory be, it worked. 

Florida changed my heart, changed my head, changed my life.

And the grateful wave that hit me the moment I drove onto my little island truly truly truly hasn't stopped hitting me since. I don't know that I will ever be able to fully share how wholly I needed that time, and how insanely thankful I am for it.

Now, I'm back. I've been back. And many wonderful, hard, amazing, and growth-inducing things have happened in the last seven months.

I think it's now or never, though. I think I'm ready to start sharing this big ol' mushy heart again. Because here's the thing, sister I've got a lot to say.

1 comment