Finality in Choice

For some reason or another I keep finding myself at the end of a long chain of a choice. Somewhere down the road, years, months, weeks, and days ago, I made choices. As we all do each day, some big and others little.

I am finding though that many of my choices seem to be catching up with me, and all at once. Its a startling feeling, the reality of a choice slamming into your back, as if you have stopped short and Choice wasn't looking forward, and couldn't put on the breaks before she slammed into you. That is where I am, with Choice against my back.

The choice to go to Colby-Sawyer.
The choice to major in Creative Writing.
The choice to be friends with my friends.
The choice of where I will go, after May of 2014.

Choice, that sneaky girl. Well, she made me see, some of those things (surely, not all) I regret, right now, when I'm feeling want-y, need-y. As I move forward, into the new year, and the new semester, she has me wanting to second guess.

See, I'm not really a second guesser. I'm a muller, a deep-thinker, a long-considerer. But, when I make a decision, I make it. Finality. So Choice? She is throwing me for a loop.

I know I can't go back in time. I cannot change where I have decided to go to school, taking back the last few years. I can however direct the path I take next. I can decide to transfer, to move after school, to pave a career path I yearn for... That is all me.

And that is a bit comforting. Even with Choice pressed against my back, reminding me of the finality, the fierce reality of my every decision, the decision is still all mine.

And in the lengthy search for happiness, I should hope with each choice I make, I lead myself closer to a life that I love, one that I am proud and thrilled to live.

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