18th Time is the Charm

I have started this post exactly 17 times since I really stopped writing here.

It seems a little ridiculous to go backwards, to rehash everything that's happened in the last four months. Mostly because, that is a lot. A lot has happened.

Not all good,  not all bad.

When I think about though, why it's been four months, why I  can't seem to make it through any of those 17 first tries, why I keep stalling out, I think it comes back to something really simple...at some point it just started being easier to not write, than to weed out the things I could and couldn't put (for whatever reason) on here.

Be it because of who may be reading...or maybe it was too personal...or maybe it was too distant...or too whiny...or too happy. It just became easier, to not.

And I can't really say that I have a good reason for trying again. I do maybe have two reasons though.

The first is, my plate is too full. My brain is too packed with things I am not saying. My words are tripping over each other, and they just need a place to go, and this has always been such a solid place.

The second is, well, it is a post in and of itself, but it's about having a little faith. It's about having a little faith in who I am, and what I am doing, and where the hell I am going.

So, maybe, just bear with me?

Maybe just see if I can work this out, if I can start writing something worth reading again, and maybe unpack all that's been packed up in my mind.