I Turned It Down

In my pursuit of the perfect fit, dream job-esque position I applied for a lot of jobs.

Since graduating I have applied to over 20 in Vermont.

5 in South Carolina. 6 in Florida. 1 in Georgia. 2 in Connecticut 3 in Pennsylvania 5 in New Hampshire. 1 in North Carolina. 2 in Maine.

I got a few interviews, and I got a lot of "We'd love to have you, but we're looking for someone with more time in the industry." Which, makes so much sense, but is also incredibly defeating (as is the added caveat of not being able to pay an additional employee, but wanting the help all the same. I want to help! I want to learn! But, bills.)

Which brings me to the interview I publicly talked about, as I quickly and unexpectedly headed down to Florida. Understandably, this coming a couple months after my audition for Disney, most people thought I was skipping down to meet The Mouse and sign a contract. (I wasn't. That dream is not over, but the timing is not quite yet.) I was interviewing for an internship at a very small, run by two sisters, super charming, event design company. Yes, I flew to Orlando for this. And I don't regret it, not a stitch.

I also don't regret turning down their offer.

Truly, it could have been a perfect fit. Our mentalities on event design were very similar. Our passion for clients and serving others by bringing joy to an event was clearly in tune. But, it was an unpaid internship, in Orlando.

And what it came down to was simple: I am a gut feeling girl. And my gut feeling was not YES! when they asked me to move to Orlando and become a part of their team.

So I turned down what might have been a (second) dream come true internship.

The coolest thing happened though, I never felt guilt about walking away from this. I thought I would. Oh how I agonized over whether to take the risk and regret it, or not take the risk, and regret it still. It was a lot of tossing and turning, and going over my options with just about everyone I knew. It was a lot of what ifs.

But when I turned it down, when I said thank you so much, but no thank you. I knew it was the right choice. I knew I was walking away from something I surely would have loved, but I was doing it for absolutely the right reasons.
I interviewed at a local - donation only - totally amazing coffee house. Featuring, The Kennedys. 

That has been huge for me. As I continue to navigate what it means to have these big dreams, and work towards big goals, and how I'll do that - learning to be okay with saying no or walking away, what a blessing that has been. I won't say it was easy. I won't say I can always do it successfully. But recognizing when I need to straighten up, and bite the bullet, it has always been better in the end.

Now, I'm six months past making that choice and I still think it was right. I'm still so happy I went to Orlando, I took that interview, I worked my way through the city and not just the Magic Kingdom. But, I'm also so happy to still be looking for that right fit, for that one thing that makes me go: Oh, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. 

No comments