It really isn't a secret that I struggled through parts of 2015. I think sharing some of those struggles on here was good for me, maybe good for others, and certainly good for the people with which I have tendency to vent.

I have been thinking though - you know, with the end of the year blah blah blah - what was the biggest struggle? And weirdly enough, up until two weeks ago, I didn't have a name for it. I kid you not, I had no idea this term even existed. Then I heard it once (and then like 56 more times, you know how that works? How weird it is when that happens?) and I knew.


I was ghosted hard, not once, but twice in 2015. Once, by The Asshole. Once, by The Meathead.

Let's back up a little though - I met The Meathead at the end of 2014, just as I was careening through the uh, emotional party-bus, that was The Heartbreaker. So, this era-appropriate casual "relationship" was at the very least, consistent through the 7-9 months between 2014 to early summer of this year.

During this time, I met The Asshole. And there is plenty to be said about pausing a "mutually beneficial, physically rewarding relationship" to actually attempt to date someone. And we could even entertain the idea of what it actually means to date someone who is scared of girlfriends.


What we're getting to here is the common "relationship" theme of 2015: the damn ghosts.

First of all, do you know what ghosting is? It is when all is well and good - things may be casual, but consistent, whether you are dating, FWB, or somewhere in-between - and POOF he disappears. Like a ghost. One day he's there, the next it's like you never swiped right. Especially if he happens to be the kind of weenie that unmatches you in an effort to solidify his ghostly nature.

The worst the part of ghosting should be pretty obvious. For one, you end up being all what in the hell did I do? For two, it's just plain rude. Honestly, break up with me. Tell me you want to see other people. Tell me you're not ready to commit. Hell, tell me you want to strike up a different "mutually beneficial, physically rewarding relationship."

But you know what is shady and rude as all get out? Ghosting.

Here's what happens when you get ghosted though: after you question yourself a lot, after you really commit to not sending that one more text or one more snapchat, after you say a big ol' good riddance! You get to form a much better idea of yourself, and who you want to be with.

I didn't like being ghosted, obviously. It didn't strike up a lot of confidence in who I am. It doesn't make you feel good that you devoted time, energy, loyalty, and just you to someone else, and they can't give you a half ounce of human decency.

It is because I was ghosted though, that I know even when someone walks away from me, unexpected and unexplained, I'm going to be just fine. I know I deserve way better than those kind of guys. I know there is nothing inherently wrong with me. I know that in the truest sense, it was them, not me. I know that anyone who can't be honest enough with you to tell you that they are done, isn't worth worrying about. At all.

Honestly, who wants to be with someone that literally can't manage to do anything better than slink away silently?

They aren't easy lessons to learn. It absolutely was a struggle for me to get through those notions in 2015. And I'm not even close to delusional enough to think that it won't ever happen again. It probably will.

There are a lot of cowards out there. Some of them are gonna ditch you, and when they do, you're going to have embrace the idea that you are so much better off without them as early as possible. Otherwise, it hurts. And you'll doubt yourself. And if there is a single thing I've learned through this whole bizarre non-relationship business it is this: you've got to keep going, so might as well keep being better, stronger, smarter, kinder, and open to whatever comes next.

No comments