Tell The Internet Your Secrets

The thing about writing on the internet is anyone can read it.

Which is fine - if I didn't want anyone to see what I was writing, I wouldn't post it here. I sure as heck wouldn't post links to it on my Facebook, etc. I have found though, that people that don't have blogs, or twitters, or share their heart on the internet often find this...odd. Actually a few days ago, a friend asked me, "You know people can read your blog? I mean anyone, doesn't that make you nervous, or at all weirded out? I mean, an ex could read it. Or maybe a future boss. Anyone."

Yup. Anyone.

Here's the the thing, it's not like that has been a secret. I am conscious of what I post. I am aware that anyone could attempt to use my own words against me. Anyone can misinterpret what I'm saying, get offended, or think it is about them, or any long list of negative consequences.

That's a risk, sure. But the reward of sharing my heart with people on the internet? It's been so good.

First of all, I'm a split-my-heart-wide-open kind of girl as it is. I have had a deeply empathic heart as long as I can remember. I take on pain and joy and love and anger like no other. And I will celebrate with you, cry with you, laugh with you, and feel so hurt when you are hurting. It's not always the easiest trait to have though.

So, all those years ago, pulling that in to a creative outlet became necessary. That's when I started sharing my heart on the internet. Which, is still weird. It still confuses people. But it also has proven to be so powerful. Not only does this allow people to see where I am at, and the things that are weighing on my soul - it gives them an opening. There is no segue quite like, "So, I saw on your blog..."

Why? I already said it first. I spilled my guts first. People like that, they like knowing someone else is where they are too - and they didn't have to start the conversation.

I like it too, obviously. I'm open about all of these things, right? I wouldn't talk about getting my heart smashed to bits, or working so dang hard for my dream job, or trying to avoid Pringles, or working to get a crown, or trying not to die alone - if I wasn't feeling open about actually talking about it. Beyond that, I've found that it this outlet no longer just serves me, it serves others.

Maybe that seems a little grand, but even if someone had only stopped me once, or texted me once, or emailed me once, to say "Hey, thanks for posting about this, I'm right there too..." - even if that had only been once I would have done something good outside of serving my own creative desire. But it has happened so much more than once.

It continues to be one of the greatest benefits of sharing my heart here.

It continues to defy the potential consequence of someone not liking what I have said.

I can't say that it is always easy to convince other people to spill their guts, or even to have them hear you when you're cracking open your heart. But knowing that people keep coming back here, people keep reading what I have to say, people keep reaching out to say, me too. That is why it's fine, yes, anyone can see this. Yes, anyone can click the link. Yes, anyone can think what they want about my words.

If that's the biggest price I have to pay to expel a bit of what's on my mind, and maybe just maybe let someone else know they aren't the only one who dated a ghost, or struggled with their weight, or got totally defeated as soon as they graduated? That's totally fine.