Not everything, not even mostly everything.
But a lot of things have left me struggling bit in the last week. I think part of it is exhaustion. I know some of it is fear. Plenty of it is confusion. Any way you slice it though it includes one panic attack, quite a few tears, and not enough long mornings in bed.
And I'm saying this not for sympathy, but because I think many people would be surprised to hear that this is this hard. Particularly because so many good things are happening. Particularly because it (hopefully) doesn't look like that is the case. Particularly because I promised we would talk about this. I promised I would make my voice heard on this one.
Because this is important. It's important to say that not every day is the end of the world, and not every day is easy. Even the days with good food, and some laughs, and plenty of water, and almost enough sleep...even those days are not great sometimes.
That's okay.
Remember, that is okay.
But I'm saying it here. Because some days hurt, and that's okay. Because I'm still going to go to an appearance and enjoy myself in live entirely in those moments, and that's okay. Because I'm still going to acknowledge this, and work with it. Continuing through each day with a smile that takes effort isn't ignoring it. It's living with it. It's learning that hard days make good day brighter. It's asking for help when you don't feel like it. It's sending the text that says, I know this is stupid but I need to freak out about this for a few minutes. It's not wearing makeup to work, because heck yes extra sleep. It's saying out loud that this is not what broken looks like. This is just what I look like. This is just what my brain and my heart have gotten together to create.
That's okay.
I don't feel guilty about taking care of myself.
I don't feel guilty about saying that some parts of my life are really hard right now.
I don't feel guilty about this life being messy, and full.
But I sure as hell would feel guilty if I kept quiet about this struggle when I know that saying something has the potential to help someone.
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