May 24th

I am so worried that I will spend Tuesday completely alone.

Dear God, I don't want to spend my birthday alone.

I love being alone. I truly do. I need my me time. My quiet time.

But Tuesday, Tuesday is my birthday. And as selfish, and stupid, and stuck up, and asshole-y as it sounds, my birthday is so important to me. I cannot be alone all day.

I have been doing good, really good. I have been working and living and socializing. I have been normal. But being alone on Tuesday... I don't know what it would do to me, but it feels like it would destroy me.

And I get that people have jobs. And I get that I'm having a party (and therefore seeing all my people) in two weeks. And I have bought all my own presents. And really there is nothing special about Tuesday other than it is my birthday.

It's just that though, my birthday. And it's the one time where I just don't want to be the only one telling me I am worth it. I don't want to pump myself up in the mirror all day. I don't want to cry at a life insurance commercial because I feel guilty crying for any other reason. I don't.

I just want it to be good. Not perfect, I don't need perfect. I just want good.

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