The Heartbreaker & The Asshole

I think everyone needs to date one Heartbreaker, and one Asshole.

Here's the thing, no one wants to have to date either of them. Of course they don't. Who would want to have their heart broken? Who would want to have to look back and think, Oh, that asshole.

No one, duh.

But, I have a theory. I think it is these two guys that make us better, stronger, more capable, more empathetic, more in-tune with what we need and want out of a relationship. It is these two guys that help us find the right things in the right guy.

I'm talking about the guy that doesn't stand you up on your birthday. And the guy that doesn't run away - literally, occasionally to a different continent - when his commitment-phobia hits a level so high it was previously unexplored by humans.

These are the guys that force us down the road to bigger and better things.

Look. I didn't like the end of either of these relationships.

Having them behind me though, oh perspective. It is a wonderful and powerful thing.

For one, you can see him for what he is, was, and always has been. It may be simple, he might have always been a tried and true asshole. Or maybe he was someone who has a really genuine heart, and really meant well, but who downright broke your heart because of his inability to know what he wants and needs out of a relationship.

It's perspective that lets us see that it wasn't about not letting him win Scrabble. It wasn't about not seeing each other every single Saturday. It wasn't even about the fact that you just can't get behind the idea that Trailer Park Boys is funny. (It's not.)

And it is that same perspective that lets us look ahead. That is what lets us see that what is out there can be so much better. Whether that is being with someone else - who doesn't make you disappointed, or unhappy, or whatever. Or that is being on your own - and killing it.

I know, being a free agent is both incredibly underrated and incredibly hard. But it is the Heartbreakers and the Assholes that left us floating in Singleland that teach us to appreciate going to a Monday matinee by ourselves, and having too much pizza and champagne with best friends, and even not shaving our legs because, damn. 

Under no circumstances does that appreciation and perspective come easy. It's not easy. That's why he's called a Heartbreaker, or an Asshole. He is not making it easy on us. But. When we can take that time, maybe in the midst of a Scandal binge that probably includes occasionally crying (because yes, Fitz is the exception, and yes, that is the only example of a Heartbreaker and an Asshole who is worth loving) - ahem, anyways - when we can take that time and look at how this is letting us understand what we want in a guy, what we need in him, and what can't accept, we are already doing better than when we were with him.

I didn't think it was a beautiful thing to go through either of these breakups. Actually, the Heartbreaker destroyed me, to the point that I know am a different person today than when he walked into my heart is different because of him. But, coming out of them, being on the other side of having your chest cracked open, that can be a beautiful thing.

Because, when you are stronger, and more empathetic, and more aware of who you are when you are standing on your own, you are far more capable of seeing the good things coming your way.

And trust me, there are good things that will come your way. There is going to be someone else. There is going to be a guy that is going to watch Game of Thrones with you, and there is going to be a guy that doesn't make you feel like you look like a gremlin when you wake up, and there might even be a guy that'll buy you pizza.

And the best part is, there will be someone that makes you forget that you ever cried about the Heartbreaker or the Asshole.

You needed those guys to get you here. To make you climb that Heartbreak Mountain, and reach the summit of Asshole Peak - because the thing is, once you're there, you can see it. You can see past all the shit they put you through, and look to all the amazing things that are ahead. And without them, well, you probably wouldn't voluntarily climb up that kind of mountain, would you?

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