Thank You For Not Ruining My Day

So I might as well get this out of the way, and say, it's weird that I share part of my identity with Miss Vermont now. Not in general, you know. At work I'm still just Rylee. At the studio I'm still just Rylee.  Because at my core, I'm still just Rylee. But when I'm on the internet - like right here - I am also Miss Vermont. My words are also the words of a titleholder. And that is okay. I'm actually totally fine with that. I think though, there may be things I say, and things I think, that people don't traditionally expect titleholders to post about.

Not because they are bad.

But because they are personal. There is plenty of personal thoughts and conflicts, and dreams, and big  ideas on here. And I am fine to share all of them on the internet, obviously. But before we get too many months into this, I have to say it right here, Rylee doesn't change because she shares part of her identity with Miss Vermont. My struggles, my victories, my fears, and my hopes, are still my own. And I am still totally fine with sharing them.

What I am really saying is, I hope you're totally fine with it too.

That being said... I've been thinking a lot about being grateful for the hard parts of life.

I've talked before about how it's hard for me to be grateful when I'm in the thick of it. When I feel like things aren't going my way, or keep getting in my way. I really struggle with recognizing the blessing in there. You know, that things are happening at all. Or when work is stressful, that I have a job. Or when I feel overwhelmed, that I have so many great opportunities. Or when I feel too busy, that I have so many things to give my attention too.

That is hard.

And I have been working on it. Trust me, I have been giving as much effort as I can to being consciously grateful through everyday.

Wow it's early, I don't want to get up. But I'm thankful that my alarm went off on time.

Cool, more traffic definitely going to make me late for work. But I'm thankful to get there safely.

I've only gotten 4 things off of this 15 page to-do list done. But I'm thankful I can accomplish that.

It seems so small. It sounds so minor. I hear that - because I thought so too. But y'all. It helps. It helps me stop, pause, take a second to look at why I am about to complain, or get frustrated, or start to worry. And it gives me the second I need to say, okay wait. 

Living in a state of gratitude isn't easy. And I wouldn't even say I'm there yet, I'd say I'm working on it. I think though, this state of gratitude is something that (well a. I'll obviously need it all year as Miss Vermont. But b.,) just forces you into honestly looking at what you're calling hard.

I mean, getting up at 4 A.M., isn't fun. But is it hard? Not really. Traffic is annoying, but is waiting in my perfectly good car, with a working radio hard? No. And really, being busy, having things to do, that's just life.

What I'm saying is it can get so easy to say, this is hard. This is stressful. This is frustrating. This is exhausting. This is annoying. This is difficult.

I know, trust me.

But giving myself the extra second to say, well it is but, changes everything.

And I mean that. It changes everything. Because not getting stressed, frustrated, exhausted, or annoyed with all the little challenges I face every day, means that I get to embrace every single good thing that I face. It means I am that much more excited, and prepared for an 18 hour day. It means I'm going to be just fine working every weekend for the next 48 weeks. It means, that every day I remind myself that I can do this. That this is the life that I was supposed to be doing the whole time.

Even, and especially, when it forces me to be grateful for things that are hard.

Also, it's fair to note that there are many more things in my life that are hard. And it is not always as simple as flipping my annoyance on it's head to find why I ought to be grateful. Look, I'm human. I know the feeling of why don't I make x dollars, why don't I have x sponsor, why don't I have that relationship, why don't I have that job, why don't I have that fill-in-the-dang-blank. But the ability to take the little things and flip them makes the challenge of the bigger, harder, more confusing parts of life - a little more doable. I won't say that I'm super grateful for all the things that leave me upset at the end of a hard day. But I will say that when the storm passes it is always easier to see why I should be.