It (Still) Is Not Linear

It seems weird that "even now" I have this struggle with my body, with my food, with my will and desire to eat.

Even now, as in, even now so far past my pageant "career." Even now, so long since I have been challenging myself to be in the "best shape of my life." Even now that I have accomplished so many of those big dreams that were, in some ways, about what I looked like.

But, hooo boooy, it is a struggle.


This week, yesterday, this month - sometimes it feels like it is constantly a struggle.

And I know why.

That's the thing I know exactly what is sitting the back of my head on this one. I know that whole "that five to ten extra pounds is where your body is supposed to sit thing." And I know that it all plays together to make the last few weeks real shitty in this body.

I've been tempted - if I am being honest, which I am - to throw my hands up and say, "screw this."

Because you know what?  It does seem easier sometimes to go back to counting macros, to go back to tracking my food, to go back to watching every single "active move calorie" on my watch. Because then there is control, right? Then I'm taking back this train that my body is careening away on, right? Then I'm headed back to where I "want" to be, right?


No. I mean we know that. The answer is no.

But sometimes it does feel that way. (And that's okay. And recognizing it is good.)

Because when you feel squishy, and you aren't liking what is in the mirror, and you're constantly thinking about how the jeans feel, and how many carbs you've already had today - it is hard to look at the whole reality. As it is now. Not as it was then. Not as it could be. Not as we want it to be.

And that's where I am at.

This week eating is hard. This week working out it is hard. This week I tried, despite everything that I wanted to do, and I didn't just throw my hands up.

That is enough.



46 comments

  1. Great location and solid Globalist perks, but the construction noise and lack of transparency were disappointing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chrome Hearts Matty Boy supports emerging designers and brands. He often collaborates with artists to create unique looks. This makes his wardrobe dynamic and ever evolving.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I cannot believe how soft the Kroen joggers feel. They are great for both workouts and relaxing at home. A perfect balance of style and comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Exploring HMDD Clothing made me realise how much difference a good fit and finish make. Their garments appear to be constructed with care and precision. I’m excited to see how they maintain that as the brand grows.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lattafa Perfumes is a Dubai-based brand known for producing high-quality perfumes inspired by Arabic perfumery traditions, yet tailored to suit global tastes. Founded in 1982, Lattafa has built a reputation for blending luxurious ingredients into captivating fragrances that rival designer houses — but at a fraction of the cost.

    ReplyDelete
  6. These fabrics are lightweight enough for year-round wear while offering just the right amount of warmth for cooler nights. The gentle weave allows air to circulate, helping maintain a comfortable body temperature as you sleep. Moreover, the softness against the skin makes them ideal for sensitive skin types.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Corteiz was founded by Clint419, a young entrepreneur and creative visionary who began by selling t-shirts and hoodies out of his bedroom in West London. Before launching Corteiz, Clint was involved in the fashion scene through his earlier project, CLO, which already had a small but loyal following.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ancient idols once symbolized harvests, storms, or fertility; modern idols symbolize success, status, and recognition. The human desire for purpose and belonging remains unchanged, but its focus has shifted from the divine to the material. In this shift, many find themselves serving illusions—chasing happiness through objects or ideals that can never truly satisfy the soul.

    ReplyDelete
  9. sudadera in the collection is an artistic expression of that philosophy. The brand often uses imagery of angels, statues, and religious motifs, not to mock spirituality but to challenge blind devotion. By blending sacred symbols with contemporary streetwear, Fake Gods invites wearers to think critically about modern culture’s “false gods.”

    ReplyDelete
  10. One of the greatest benefits of online shopping is convenience. Customers can shop anytime and anywhere without the need to travel to a physical store. This saves time, energy, and transportation costs. Online platforms are open 24/7, allowing consumers to make purchases even during odd hours.

    ReplyDelete
  11. If none of us exist independently, then none of us are exempt from responsibility. Our actions ripple outward, affecting the lives of others in ways we may never see. The way we treat the environment, the economy, or even each other determines the world future generations will inherit

    ReplyDelete
  12. Eme Studios is a fashion label based in Madrid, Spain. The brand appears to focus on streetwear and contemporary style offerings, catering to an international audience as evidenced by its online presence.

    ReplyDelete
  13. A small “ESSENTIALS” logo, often in reflective or tonal lettering, sits across the chest or back. A rubberized label on the hood adds a distinctive touch — instantly recognizable to anyone familiar with the brand. This minimalist approach to branding reflects Fear of God’s broader philosophy: letting the quality and fit speak louder than logos.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Kanye’s The Life of Pablo (2016) era was a turning point not only in music but also in the world of merchandise. The Pablo merch drop — first sold at pop-up shops in select cities around the world — became a cultural event.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The Essentials Hoodie collection features a wide range of colors, fits, and designs that appeal to both men and women. From oversized and relaxed fits to sleek, modern silhouettes—our pieces allow you to express your personal style effortlessly. Every hoodie is designed with precision and care to enhance your wardrobe essentials.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Takashi Murakami, often dubbed “the Warhol of Japan,” is a Japanese artist whose career began in the late 1980s. He is best known for his creation of the “Superflat” art movement, which blends elements of traditional Japanese art with contemporary pop culture, anime, and consumerism.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Quality is at the core of everything we do. Each product undergoes a rigorous design and manufacturing process to ensure durability, fit, and finish. We merge luxury-grade materials with street-ready functionality, giving you the best of both worlds—style and substance.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Explore our official website to discover the latest Godspeed Clothing collections. Join the movement, follow us on social media, and be part of a community that believes in chasing dreams at full speed — the Godspeed way.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sp5der hoodie has become more than just a clothing item—it’s a cultural statement. Originally associated with rapper Young Thug and his artistic vision, Sp5der merges hip-hop aesthetics, luxury fashion, and urban edge into one cohesive identity. The hoodie, in particular, represents the perfect blend of comfort, individuality, and rebellious expression.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ground Beef in Refrigerator isn’t just about cold storage; it’s about confidence in the kitchen. Whether you’re a home cook, meal prepper, or restaurant owner, we provide actionable information that keeps your ground beef safe, tasty, and ready to cook.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Vrunk does not just rely on visual flair; the brand emphasizes durability and comfort. The materials used — from rugged nylon or waterproof outer shells to plush sherpa interiors — indicate a commitment to both form and function. The design details like secure pockets, reinforced stitching, and innovative materials underscore the utility aspect of the veste.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Our design philosophy is simple: create pieces that empower women to look and feel their best. Every stitch, button, and detail is guided by a deep understanding of modern lifestyles and the desire for versatile fashion.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Gray Sp5der Hoodie impresses with its sleek and modern appearance. The neutral gray base serves as the perfect backdrop for the brand’s iconic spider web logo—often printed in contrasting colors like white, red, or black.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Chrome Hearts was founded in 1988 in Los Angeles by Richard Stark, along with leather manufacturer Leonard Kamhout and fashion photographer John Bowman. The brand initially produced custom leather motorcycle gear, but quickly expanded into silver jewelry, eyewear, home décor, and high-end apparel.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Corteiz has grown from a London-centric underground label into a globally recognised streetwear name, especially among younger consumers looking for authenticity and scarcity.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Visually and in terms of branding, G59 leans heavily into monochrome (black/white/grey) palettes, skull imagery, street-art inspired logos and merch, and an overall aesthetic of rebellion and authenticity.

    ReplyDelete
  27. “Didn’t think I’d ever see a Trapstar discount code — grabbed mine right away! Finally copped that jacket I’ve been eyeing for months.”

    ReplyDelete
  28. Trapstar PL robi świetną robotę! Widać, że inspirują się oryginalnym londyńskim stylem, ale dodają coś swojego. Ubrania są wygodne, dobrze wykonane i mają mega klimat 🔥

    ReplyDelete
  29. “The new drop is 🔥! That neutral palette with bold accents is exactly what my wardrobe needed. Props to the design team.”

    ReplyDelete
  30. "It’s nice to see Sean John making a comeback. The new collections are more refined but still keep that signature street-inspired edge."

    ReplyDelete
  31. Is it just me, or does the grammar of the slogan (‘That’s A Awful Lot Of Cough Syrup’) bug some of you too? I saw someone comment it should be ‘an awful lot’ instead of ‘a awful lot’.

    ReplyDelete
  32. “I like how Reps Clothing keeps the community engaged — from gym partnerships to social media challenges, they’ve built more than just a brand; it’s a whole mindset.”

    ReplyDelete
  33. Some jackets use subtle patterns such as silhouettes of well known Pokémon which allow a more refined look for daily wear.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Collectors often chase limited releases. Each drop brings fresh artwork and texture. People value the unique details. The hoodies hold their appeal for years.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Some Lattafa scents focus on woody strength. These fragrances use rugged earth tones. They evoke confidence and maturity. Many men choose them for professional settings. The effect is strong and steady.

    ReplyDelete
  36. W polskich miastach mozna latwo zauwazyc osoby w Stone Island. Streetwear przezywa tu rozwoj. Marka odpowiada na potrzeby tej kultury. Wzory i kolory tworza wyrazisty przekaz. Polska staje sie waznym rynkiem dla branzy modowej.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Essentials London provides pieces for mild weather. The brand favors natural shades. Each item layers well. The clothes support simple styling. The overall mood feels calm.

    ReplyDelete
  38. A Mr Winston hoodie is great for travel. It folds easily into a small space. The material resists wrinkles. It keeps you warm in changing weather. It feels like a reliable companion.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Davril Supply organise régulièrement des promotions intéressantes. Les prix compétitifs attirent de nombreux clients. La communication avec les clients est simple et directe. Les offres sont publiées sur le site internet. Les clients peuvent profiter de remises exceptionnelles chaque mois.

    ReplyDelete
  40. SP5DER Clothing is a brand known for its bold style. It focuses on high quality materials. The designs are modern and edgy. Many people enjoy wearing it for its unique look. The brand is popular in urban fashion circles.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Their color palette is often vibrant and energetic. They choose tones that evoke emotion and attitude. Patterns are bold yet thoughtful in placement. This makes every item a conversation starter. Akimbo clothing is designed to attract attention in a positive way.

    ReplyDelete
  42. From jeans and jackets to accessories, DenimTears offers a wide variety of denim products to suit every taste. Our collections balance trend-forward designs with classic wardrobe staples, catering to all ages and styles.

    ReplyDelete
  43. We prioritize our customers above all else. By combining a user-friendly platform, secure transactions, and excellent customer service, we ensure that every experience with 7Havens is smooth and satisfying.

    ReplyDelete
  44. We combine in-depth research, verified information, and user-friendly access to create an unmatched experience. Our platform not only connects seekers with providers but also educates them, helping them make informed choices.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Accessories on the site reflect the same daring approach found in the clothing. Bags fragrances footwear and small goods all follow the brand vision with bold experimentation.

    ReplyDelete